when to tell :"I'm Pregnant!"

After waiting for the perfect situation and mindset for a baby to be our lives we were blessed with two pink lines! Yes!! I am pregnant! Telling immediate family members was not a problem on my side as my MIL is my buddy. Told her the very next day and  she was ecstatic!! She informed the rest of the people and saved me from any embarrassments of telling.. Why was I embarrassed?? Well, maybe we took a lot more time than usual couples in our society to finally decide on becoming parents, or maybe I really didn't know how to tell!!

Telling others was a big question for me. In a lot of Asian countries there is a tradition of not telling others about the pregnancy till your first trimester is over. Maybe due to the fact that it is the most crucial period in the pregnancy and most of the miscarriages are common in this period, so people fear of unwanted sympathy or happiness which is short-lived. But to be honest should you actually tell everyone after your initial 3 months are over safely?? Does sharing happiness with everyone really is that important??

In my case, I chose to keep mum. I felt telling someone that you are pregnant is your choice and comfort. Though telling won't affect you that much physically, but it was always a big deal to me mentally. People start looking at you differently. They take extra notice and caution around you and being a do-it-yourself kind of person all my life, I feel quite irritated sometimes. Others who like being pampered and the extra attention might love to tell. So there are actually two kinds of people:

*One who would actually be on phone telling everyone on earth about the news even before your pregnancy stick has dried.

*One who can be a bit extreme and keep mum till their stretching belly does the talking for them! (I am one of those)

There are advantages & disadvantages to both sides of the coin and you should understand your priority in both cases.

Advantages of telling Early:

*Lots of support early in pregnancy
*Earlier offers of physical help
*More advice from others about practitioners
*Help with early decisions
*If you miscarry, you will have support from everyone.
*& ofcourse, you can share your happiness

Disadvantages of telling early:

*Too much advice
*News travels faster, so might not be the first one to tell everyone.
*If you miscarry, the whole world knows you were pregnant

Advantages of waiting before you tell:

*Time to digest the news
*Make your own decisions without anyone interfering
*If you miscarry, your sorrow is yours alone and you don't have to retract the pregnancy news.(it can be really ugly otherwise, making you more sorrowful)

Disadvantages of waiting before you tell:

*No help/support from others
*If you miscarry, people often wonder why you are sad and the explanation can be quite difficult.

So the formula is to tell the right amount of people who you think really matter. Forget about hurting people's feelings by not telling. People who genuinely care about you will be equally happy even when you tell them at 5months or more. Now the question is whom should you tell??

*Immediately family members- cause they are the ones you would be living or interacting with the most during the whole time and after that. Plus they know in and out about you and the family and can warm or give advice without overwhelming you.

*Your closest friends- cause even if they are not pregnant they might be the person whom you talk to all the time and would be difficult for you not to share your happiness. They would be genuinely happy and might sometimes help when family is not available for that extra errand you need to do.

*Your closest colleague- Ofcourse you don't want to tell the whole office but you can tell the closest person you have in the office so that there is a person who understands if you need anything. Or simply covering for you when needed. You spend a lot of time in office and you might do some physical work too which also can get relieved with some extra help. But be sure that he/she doesn't leak the news as it can travel faster and reach your other, maybe even your boss even before you are prepared. This might be problem for some offices where pregnancy doesn't have so much liberties and can pose as a problem.

Rest of the family, friends and whole lot of people can actually wait till a minimum of 4 months because they actually cant provide you with anything useful in your pregnancy. And happy news will still be happy news afterwards. And ofcourse telling is always your personal choice and you can choose whenever you want to share the happy news!! Happy Preggers!! :) 

Advice!!!..To Take or Not to Take??

With being pregnant comes loads and loads of wishes and advices!! Seriously your immediately family, relatives , friends and even people whom you don't know will randomly start advising you about what should be done and what not during pregnancy. It can be irritating after the initial joy and can also get overwhelming! Just don't stress out on too much advice and learn how to shut yourself to unwanted advice. You don't have to be necesarily rude to anyone giving you advice although you might tempt to. Just smile and acknowledge their well wishes and follow only those precautions which your immediately family member like MIL or Mum, or your Doctor tells you. Because:

MILs & Mums have first hand experience of having kids and are closest to you so would know your comfort or discomfort in those advices. Plus they know your family traditions or histories if any to warn you before hand. And if you are staying with your extended family you don't want to hurt their feelings by not following them. (Its only 9 months afterall and just a little adjustment on your part to all that pampering!!)

Doctor knows best!! They have delivered thousands of babies and are dealing with mums to be every single day so they might tell you some of the more scientific stuff which others might not know. They exactly know how your body is doing from inside out so can judge you the best. Also interacting with them about the precautions you are following at home can clear out many myths that your Mum or MIL might have done due to tradition sake but are not at all required. And since the Doc herself has told you you can tell that to your relatives if they force you to follow them. They will accept it more graciously then.

Now about the numerous precautions I was told to follow. I did follow them but with my own head. Internet is easy available and I searched online and read books sent by my darling sis as reference and found out the reasons for all of them. Without a basic knowledge of why I was following them I didn't want to do them.

 *No tight clothings- Because excessive tight clothes can make you really uncomfortable and put pressures at wrong place. The baby doesn't get hurt as its well protected but it can be suffocating for you as your belly will start to grow. You might feel too much pressure on your bladder as well. Plus later during the pregnancy, it might also cause mild contraction which may be harmful.
So you can wear comfortable clothing with enough stretch but not loose hanging clothes which look awful. Pregnancy doesn't mean you have to stop looking gorgeous! You can opt for maternity clothings only after you feel you regular clothes are uncomfortable which happened to me in my fourth month. Though we have numerous maternity clothing centers but go for them only if you have a huge budget. Invest in good maternity pants from there (atleast 2) and some good gym slacks. Rest you can easily find attractive stuff in other local markets. Since you would be wearing them for a short duration just make sure they are reasonable(unless you have a party and you want to look like a million bucks!) & comfortable.

* No Bumpy rides- because till 3 months, the first trimester the amniotic fluid is not fully prepared. This fluid actually acts like a shock absorbent and protector for the fetus inside. So its advisable not to jump around or run or get down the stairs too forcefully or quickly plus not to travel in public transport because they are extra bumpy or the people whom you travelling with might not know and poke or elbow you and your baby can be harmed or you can have a miscarriage too. Though I traveled small distances with plane roads in Auto-rickshaws but I was forever alert for any bumps and kept telling the driver to drive slowly and carefully. But avoid if you can. Also when sitting in Car always sit in the front sit if not driving as the suspension is best there and you feel almost no jerks. But still drive slowly and carefully and avoid bumps there too. Also don't avoid your seat-belt at any time cause how much you are feeling uncomfortable your safety is important. Plus your baby is fine and safe and the seat-belt won't harm it at all. In later stages of pregnancy try and put the seat-belt below the belly for comfort but never remove it.

* No stress and tensions- because your body is already going through a lot of hormonal changes due to pregnancy. There would sudden rushes of energy or loss of it and you might feel tensed or irritable at times. Stay calm as much as you can be. Discuss with you husband and closest relative about your problems or fears or concerns and take your stress out. Too much stress can mental anxiety and in some cases depression which can be harmful for the baby to the level of miscarriages. Don't get bored. Eat well, sleep well and think well is the motto..Watch funny movies, read as much as you can to take your mind off boredom and being stressed.

*Take small walks after meals- Because you tend to get indigestion due to a lot of reasons; too much food, too little food, sudden medicine intake, too much gap in between meals or wrong kind of food. These walks will relief you of indigestion as well as help you digest those medicine you now take daily (folic acid,vitamins etc). Plus since there is no other exercise (if your are not a dancer or acrobat or gymanst or any other kind of sportsperson who regularly does exercise) you will start putting up weight. Maybe not much for higher metabolic rate but others will definitely suffer.(In my case it was 3.5 kgs by 1and half months, which was drastic, owing to too much of food and rest). So with atleast 15 minutes of morning walk (or any other time of day you are comfortable if you are not an early riser) and 15 minutes at night after supper will definitely do you good. If you can walk more without getting exhausted you should go ahead. Just keep in mind not to exhaust yourself (sit down if you feel tired & then continue when you feel you are ok again) or walk on uneven path (such uneven areas can be dangerous for jerks it might cause or might loose a footing and fall). And also keep in mind to go alongwith someone as company makes you less weary and exercise fun, you might need a help if any problem arises and someone to keep a check if you are overexerting or doing anything wrong. (Plus if you take your hubby along, he might loose some extra pounds and you two can plan about the baby! What fun!!)

*Drink 8-10 glasses of water daily- Because water cleanses your body of any toxins. Its the best way to moisturize your skin and keep it supple. Believe me when you don't get  those ugly unwanted stretchmarks post pregnancy, just because your skin was fully hydrated and moisturized. Also it will help you digest your meal better. Plus once your doc gives you Calcium medicines then you have to take loads of water or you will get indigestion or constipation(and it has to be avoided to not put pressure on your uterus or placenta)

*No to papayas/pineapples/sprouts/non-vegetarian food- Please and please consult your doctor before following everything randomly. Though there are enough people around you who tell you not to eat a hundred stuff don't fall in the trap. But avoid till you ask your doctor or research it online.
Papayas are good source of beta carotene and are useful. But green papaya (not ripened yet) are dangerous as they induce contractions and over ripened one can cause too much gas which can be uncomfortable. But if you don't get any kind of gas trouble you can go ahead and eat the ripened ones.
Pineapples also cause contractions and gas so should be avoided.
Sprouts though high on proteins & nutrients can cause harm due to a certain e-colli bacteria or salmonella which can cause diarrhea, nausea, abdominal cramps and fever or other serious illnesses in pregnant women and it is passed on to fetus from mothers in their wombs. Salmonella poisoning is very common and can result to miscarriages. Raw sprouts contain these bacteria as when they are dry they remain dormant but as soon as they sprout, due to warmer conditions the present bacteria also develops and can cause harm. So raw or slightly cooked sprouts should be avoided at all costs. Even washing them doesn't remove the germs. If you want to have them, cook them well before consuming.
Certain non-vegetarian foods are ok to have like chicken, mutton but either home cooked and bought from reputed places or at good restaurants not roadside stalls(even if its your delicious kebab joint). But do not take high mercury sea food mostly fish like salmon or king mackerel(surmai) etc..as they harm the baby potentially. Even raw or smoked sea food like oysters or salmon or sushi are not good and to be avoided.Plus pork and beef to be avoided too.They all have toxoplasmosis, coliform bacteria and salmonella, which are dangerous.
Rest whatever you want to eat and can eat comfortably you can. Just ask your Doctor if you have any doubt about anything. You should also avoid such food whose smell or taste make you vomit as its your body's natural way of telling you you don't require them. And if you require them completely due to any nutrient content search for other options. You don't have to be a matyr!(In my case it was milk sometimes, so I ate a lot of curd, cheese and paneer to compensate). Also can eat anywhere you want to. Just make sure its hygienic, just not to catch any infection. If eating at a roadside, remember, these days every thing is available in proper hygienic food courts everywhere, you just have to shell out some extra bucks which is ok with respect to the fact, its only nine months and most importantly, its your baby's life! So avoid if you can..

*No to gym/sauna/steam- because at
gym most of the machines are motorised which may put you in the risk of sudden jerks or the kind of exercise which can harm you internally. The free hand exercise which you can do after consultation can be done at home too if only there is not enough space.
Sauna or steam or hot tub baths are dangerous for the baby and should be avoided because very high temperatures are bad for your body. As pregnancy increases volume of the blood being circulated in the body increases by 40% and the blood pressure drops in first 6 months.In sauna/ steam/ hot tub the blood vessels will relax further in response to heat to allow increased blood flow associated with cooling the body and sweating. This makes heart work even harder or it may result in a faint as a pregnant woman cannot maintain enough flow to the brain. If you have any cardiovascular problems or anemia then this might cause more serious problems.

* No to exertion- Simply because exhausting yourself would put considerable pressure on your belly and abdomen which is not good at all.

*No to picking up very heavy stuff or heavy stuff if exhausted- Because they put pressure on your spine or uterus and baby and are not good. You can pick stuff but keep in mind not be exhausted and bend your legs from knees and keep spine straight before sitting down to grab something and not to pick up too heavy things. You should also avoid picking up stuff during later stages of pregnancy as your spine might not be able to take up the pressure of your grown belly and the heavy stuff you picked and you might dis-balance yourself or damage your spine.

*No to alcohol or passive smoking(even active one)- Because
Alcohol can pass directly to your baby through placenta and can cause FAS(Foetal Alcohol Syndrome) and when the baby is born it may have various medical problems like mental and growth retardation, behavioral problems and facial & heart defects. Though some scientist believe it can be taken in some moderation like one to two units of alcohol once or twice a week but they don't know if its completely safe. So avoid at all terms.
Smoking whether is active or passive is equally dangerous. Cigarette smoke contain 4000 chemicals, including truly nasty things like cyanide, lead and atleast 60 cancer causing compounds!!!!..Does your baby really need that???

*Restriction to Caffeine products or fizzy drinks- Because Caffeine products such as coffee and tea etc if taken in larger quantities can cause many complications, still birth and miscarriages. Recommended quantity somewhere after a research is 200mg per day that means maybe a normal cup or two daily can be fine. But if you can, it should be avoided. Caffeine is diuretic and causes your body to loose more water and essential nutrients alongwith especially calcium which is very much required.
Fizzy drinks also contain caffeine and apart from that added preservatives and color and sweetner which are equally harmful, if taken in larger quantities.
Both of them can be taken once in a while if you are not addictive.

*Restrictions to heels- This was the most funniest of them all and I was very curious when I saw famous celebrities with various levels of protruding bellies flashing their most expensive footwears and wondered how come??? Even they must care about their babies and they must be given best of medical attention. Answer came with level of heels and types of heels and your belly size. Too much size of heel can cause your body to stand on your tiptoes. With added weight there would be too much pressure on your toes and spine and can harm or weaken already weak abdomen and back muscles which is essential to be kept in best shape possible for labour and carrying the baby and afterwards. Plus with too big belly your basic weight management by your body is into a toss and you can topple with too much height with heels as you tend to bend forward. If you are extremely short or fashion conscious and can't avoid heel at all, wear wedge or platform heels as they tend to balance the pressure on the whole foot as opposed to just the toes and still give you height. Plus they are in this season so flaunt them!!...But always keep a handy pair of slippers or flats in your bag or car so that you can change immediately if uncomfortable. It will be a immense relief in later stages of pregnancy with swollen feet!

* No getting up from the lying or sitting position with a jerk- Because it may cause pressure in your abdomen or uterus or baby. Always turn to your side and hold yourself up via your hands and shoulder while getting up from a lying position. It will decrease the pressure on abdominal muscles.

*Drink a litre of Milk everyday- Initially your baby gets calcium only from milk intake so take atleast a litre of milk and if cannot then turn to other alternatives of milk like curd, cheese, paneer etc..But don't overlook your calorie intake. Remember the body will take only that much of nutrients or vitamins as much it requires rest is waste and is thrown out with stool. Also milk is another way to keep your body hydrated. You can form tasty fruit shakes and take milk if cannot take alone!!..yummy!!

*Take the prescribed medicine of Folic acid, vitamins & calcium regularly- Don't miss out on them as they are very much required for the brain, spine, nervous system and bone development of the baby inside. Not enough intake might cause the baby to be underdeveloped or malnutritioned or very very weak. Definitely a no no!

*No hot shakes or lying on your stomach- Because heat causes the above mentioned harm and excess heat is not good for the baby and lying on your stomach might put pressure on the baby or you will feel uncomfortable.

*No sexual intercourse till doctor's advice- Because during the first trimester there is not enough amniotic fluid and hence not enough shock absorbancy..Too much jerking or pressure will harm the baby. Also sometime the placenta come down and is not very good for pregnancy and should be avoided. Generally normal couples can have sex in their 2nd trimester after doctor advises so. 3rd trimester can again be tricky as it can induce contractions and early birth and can be extremely painful for the mother.

These are the general precautions I followed but always with a reason!!..Hope this list helps others as finding a compiled list and reasons for so many precautions are hard to find.
At last I would always advice each and everyone to consult their own doctor before following anything just being told or read anywhere. :)

Expecting & Ecstatic!!

After 2 and a half years of courtship and 3 years of marriage, we finally decided for our bundle of joy! Believe me when I say that the longer we wait for the right time the more restless our relatives and friends become. Though I was blessed with the fact that I married very early but that didn't stop the innumerable queries and pressures from all sides of when we are stepping the line. But we took our time and let these queries not affect us at all. We needed to mentally, physically and monetarily prepare for a baby! When I say these words I mean exactly each and every bit of the sentence. People in our overpopulated country have a tendency to jump into parenthood even before they can really wish for it or care for it..just because their families wanted or society expected them...It shouldn't be the case at all or you will regret it later on and baby is a beautiful gift which cannot be regretted at any cost.

Anyways, to carry on with us..I waited long enough to be sure and then did a home pregnancy test which was positive..!! Yippeee!!! and to be doubly sure I did it again and thankfully it was positive again! (Sometimes your home pregnancy kits can be wrong and its no harm if you do the same test twice or thrice to be sure before a checkup with the doc)..My Mum passed away when I was in college and I didnt get much time to discuss pregnancy with her. & fortunately I am blessed with an ultra cool MIL who is my best friend and we discuss mostly everything. Naturally I told er and she informed the rest of the family. (I live in a large joint family of 6people, a long time maid who is part of family now and my sweetheart baby and golden retriever bitch "Zoya") Everyone was super happy. After the initial celebrations and hugs and joys , my two MILs(my MIL and my hubby's paternal Aunt: Kaki) decided and fixed for an appointment with Doctor. The doctor advised me to wear loose garments and not to ride in auto-rickshaws(the bumpy rides can harm your baby dangerously as till first trimester your amniotic fluid isn't quite developed and it actually acts as shock absorbent and protector for your baby)...I lapped up the attention suddenly thrived upon me and also listened well to the advice MILs and the doc gave me:

*No tight clothings
*No bumpy rides, especially auto-rickshaws and buses
*No stress and tensions
*Drink 8 glasses of water daily
*Take small walks after meals
*No to papayas, pineapples
*No to gym, sauna and steam
*No to exertion
*No to picking up very heavy stuff or heavy stuff if exhausted
*No to alcohol or passive smoking
*Restriction to caffeine products or fizzy drinks
*Restriction to heels

This was mostly what I followed till my first appointment which was mostly a counselling session about what should be done and what not and thus added on my list certain more stuff:

*No getting up from the lying or sitting positions with jerk
*Always turn to your side while trying to get up from a lying position
*Drink a litre of milk everyday
*Take the prescribed medicines of Folic acid and vitamins regularly
*No Hot shakes around stomach
*No lying on your stomach
*No sexual intercourse till doctors advice

She also advised me for routine pregnancy blood tests and my first ultrasound to see everything is fine or not. I was super excited and yes I diligently followed each and every precaution and direction advised to me. Though being a logical and inquisitive type I went ahead and researched why should I follow these. And I found out the reasons of most of them which I would share in elaborate way.

Rest we are super happy for such an amazing luck and wish come true in our life. And we are looking forward to many such joys of the journey in the following 9 months..